According to
Psychology Today,
University of California researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky states: "40
percent of our capacity for happiness is within our power to change."
If
this is true and it is, there's hope for us all. There are billions of
people on our planet and clearly some are truly happy. The rest of us
bounce back and forth between happiness and unhappiness depending on the
day.
Throughout the years, I've learned there are certain traits
and habits chronically unhappy people seem to have mastered. But before
diving in with you, let me preface this and say: we all have bad days,
even weeks when we fall down in all seven areas.
The difference between a happy and unhappy life is how often and how long we stay there.
Here are the 7 qualities of chronically unhappy people.
1. Your default belief is that life is hard.
Happy people know life can be hard and tend to
bounce through hard times with an attitude of curiosity versus
victimhood. They take responsibility for how they got themselves into a
mess, and focus on getting themselves out of it as soon as possible.
Perseverance
towards problem-solving versus complaining over circumstances is a
symptom of a happy person. Unhappy people see themselves as victims of
life and stay stuck in the "look what happened to me" attitude versus
finding a way through and out the other side.
2. You believe most people can't be trusted.
I won't argue that healthy discernment is
important, but most happy people are trusting of their fellow man. They
believe in the good in people, versus assuming everyone is out to get
them. Generally open and friendly towards people they meet, happy people
foster a sense of community around themselves and meet new people with
an open heart.
Unhappy people are distrustful of most people they
meet and assume that strangers can't be trusted. Unfortunately this
behavior slowly starts to close the door on any connection outside of an
inner-circle and thwarts all chances of meeting new friends.
3. You concentrate on what's wrong in this world versus what's right.
There's plenty wrong with this world, no
arguments here, yet unhappy people turn a blind eye to what's actually
right in this world and instead focus on what's wrong. You can spot them
a mile away, they'll be the ones complaining and responding to any
positive attributes of our world with "yeah but".
Happy people are
aware of global issues, but balance their concern with also seeing
what's right. I like to call this keeping both eyes open. Unhappy people
tend to close one eye towards anything good in this world in fear they
might be distracted from what's wrong. Happy people keep it in
perspective. They know our world has problems and they also keep an eye
on what's right.
4. You compare yourself to others and harbor jealousy.
Unhappy people believe someone else's good
fortune steals from their own. They believe there's not enough goodness
to go around and constantly compare yours against theirs. This leads to
jealousy and resentment.
Happy people know that your good luck and
circumstance are merely signs of what they too can aspire to achieve.
Happy people believe they carry a unique blueprint that can't be
duplicated or stolen from -- by anyone on the planet. They believe in
unlimited possibilities and don't get bogged down by thinking one
person's good fortune limits their possible outcome in life.
5. You strive to control your life.
There's a difference between control and
striving to achieve our goals. Happy people take steps daily to achieve
their goals, but realize in the end, there's very little control over
what life throws their way.
Unhappy people tend to micromanage in
effort to control all outcomes and fall apart in dramatic display when
life throws a wrench in their plan. Happy people can be just as focused,
yet still have the ability to go with the flow and not melt down when
life delivers a curve-ball.
The key here is to be goal-oriented
and focused, but allow room for letting sh*t happen without falling
apart when the best laid plans go awry- because they will. Going with
the flow is what happy people have as plan B.
6 You consider your future with worry and fear.
There's only so much rent space between your
ears. Unhappy people fill their thoughts with what could go wrong versus
what might go right.
Happy people take on a healthy dose of
delusion and allow themselves to daydream about what they'd like to have
life unfold for them. Unhappy people fill that head space with constant
worry and fear.
Happy people experience fear and worry, but make
an important distinction between feeling it and living it. When fear or
worry crosses a happy person's mind, they'll ask themselves if there's
an action they can be taken to prevent their fear or worry from
happening (there's responsibility again) and they take it. If not, they
realize they're spinning in fear and they lay it down.
7. You fill your conversations with gossip and complaints.
Unhappy people like to live in the past. What's
happened to them and life's hardships are their conversation of choice.
When they run out of things to say, they'll turn to other people's
lives and gossip.
Happy people live in the now and dream about the
future. You can feel their positive vibe from across the room. They're
excited about something they're working on, grateful for what they have
and dreaming about the possibilities of life.
Obviously none of us
are perfect. We're all going to swim in negative waters once in a
while, but what matters is how long we stay there and how quickly we
work to get ourselves out. Practicing positive habits daily is what
sets happy people apart from unhappy people, not doing everything
perfectly.
Walk, fall down, get back up again, repeat. It's in the getting back up again where all the difference resides.
The 7 Habits of Happy People
Source:
Daily Transformations
